Erin Merryn has a tough story to tell. Not everyone wants to hear it, but those who do often cry as they slip her notes or share their own experiences in guarded whispers.

Beginning at age 11, Merryn was sexually molested by an older teenage cousin over an 18-month period. She began to speak out after her younger sister confided that she, too, was being groped and coerced into sexual acts by the same cousin -- often while family members celebrated holidays in the next room.

"People are more afraid of stranger danger," said Merryn, now 24, of Schaumburg, who has written two books on sexual abuse. She uses her pen name to avoid identifying family members.

"If they took a good look, they would be shocked at how many times this is somebody people trusted with their kids."

Sexual crimes are difficult enough to report, but as Merryn has found, incest remains even more socially taboo and is often minimized or brushed aside by family members. Even after her cousin, then age 15 , confessed to police, was put on juvenile court supervision for six months and completed a treatment program, family members "took sides" and do not speak, she said.

Nationally, the numbers of children reporting sexual abuse dropped during the 1990s, as did the number of homicides and other crimes, according to a U.S. Department of Justice report. Meanwhile, the number of people incarcerated in state prisons for sex crimes against children increased 39 percent during the same period, the report states.

Experts would like to think that their prevention and intervention programs are working, but the caseload remains staggering, and the perpetrators accused of committing abuse are younger than ever, they say.

Between January and June, 102,850 suspected offenders were investigated nationwide at Children's Advocacy Centers, which offer medical and emotional support to victims while investigating the allegations.

More than 32,320 of the suspected offenders were parents to the abused children; 6,420 were stepparents; and 21,710, another relative.

More than 12,000 of the offenders were between 13 and 17, according to the National Children's Alliance, which oversees more than 700 advocacy centers.

"Most of them have been greatly exposed to sexualized material, such as porn on the Internet or activity at home," said Teresa Huizar , executive director of the Washington, D.C.-based alliance. "They are acting that out on someone else."

Juveniles are more likely to successfully complete treatment and not re-offend if caught early, Huizar said . Many cases are difficult to prosecute, though, because years may pass before the victim reports the abuse.

On average, 30 percent to 40 percent of the offenders go through a criminal court system, Huizar said.

"You think most of these are the dirty old man in the raincoat or Uncle Tom who everyone knows to avoid, but more often it's cousin so-and-so or it's a teenage baby sitter," she said. "Many of these cases may involve siblings."

The average age that a child is victimized is between 6 and 12, Huizar said.

"Children are horribly damaged when this happens to them," Huizar said.

Merryn, who recently started a job as a youth and family therapist at OMNI Youth Services in Buffalo Grove , had finished her first book about her experience when she shocked her parents two years ago with another bombshell.

She said she was raped by a friend's uncle during a 1st-grade sleep-over, a trauma she has described in her new book, "Living for Today."

After receiving therapy for her cousin's abuse, she said, she felt compelled to track down her elementary school friend last year and report the assault to police.

"Everything made sense," said Merryn's mother, Bekki, who asked that her last name not be used. "In retrospect, it was just so revealing."

Merryn had angry outbursts in school early on, then struggled with eating disorders as a teenager, she said.

Authorities found the man was still living with the friend's family, but could not prosecute him because there was not enough evidence, Merryn said.

"It was such a shock at first. You are not believing what you are hearing," said the offender's sister, 44, who said she kicked the brother out of the home and no longer has contact with him. She asked that her name and location not be identified.

He had lived with her family off and on throughout adulthood, she said.

At the Children's Advocacy Center in Hoffman Estates, where Merryn was counseled, officials worked with 273 victims of abuse in 2008. That year, about 31 percent of the suspected offenders were 18 or younger -- up 8 percent from the previous year, according to Mark Parr, executive director.

The accused "are often kids or adults who have a good standing, appear to be functioning well, hold a job and maybe appear to be good with kids," Parr said. "That is what is manipulated in the course of committing the crime."

Family members often describe the perpetrator as "a good kid. He is the star of a football team ... and they are trying to protect that person," he said. "Ultimately, there needs to be action to protect that child and the accused person as well."

Merryn is signing copies of "Living For Today" at 4 p.m. Nov. 15 at the Barnes and Noble in Oak Brook.

She says she has forgiven her abusers but needs to speak out for others -- such as a 14-year-old boy who heard her talk at a local high school. His grateful mother called Merryn later, saying that he was able to finally break his silence about his stepfather's abuse. The boy and his brother had been in counseling but were ashamed about the abuse before Merryn's speech.

"The oldest person I had reveal something to me was 82," Merryn said. "I have put it on the table, and it has allowed other people to discuss it."

One woman approached her after a speech in New Mexico and slipped her a crinkled piece of paper.

"It said, 'I have been on the same path as you.' Thank you for speaking to us," Merryn said.

lblack@tribune.com

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